BY ZACH KAHN
UNITED STATES — It’s tough being a senior in high school right now.
I am having trouble getting an A in every single one of my extremely difficult classes, while simultaneously writing 15+ amazing college essays.
This concerns me because I may not have a high enough GPA to get into some of the schools I want to, although last year and the year before that I got all A’s. I am not in the top ten percent of my class, either.
You’re probably wondering: That’s absurd! Why the heck is Zach concerned about his grades not being good enough for colleges?
Zach is concerned about his grades because in 9th grade he got a C+ in Geometry. Yes, one bad math grade from first semester freshman year has put me here. My cumulative GPA is .21 points below one of my top school’s admitted student average from last year. I have been told by many that it is not a “likely” school because of this.
So, to make up for my grades, I have to write some kick-ass college essays.
I’ve written a lot, but I am still not finished with some of them. I am having trouble with finishing them for two reasons:
1) I am too busy trying to keep my grades up this semester. And I haven’t been totally successful. I have more B’s than ever this year. Although I am trying hard, I am struggling in math again. Plus, my 88 in AP Literature is not the best look for someone who is considering writing for a career.
School frustrates me. I am supposed to be going to school to learn. I am not supposed to be going to school to worry all the time.
2) A bunch of colleges ask you to write an essay about what you want to study over the next four years. Since journalism has been a big part of my high school career, that’s what I have told them I want to study. But in reality, I truly still don’t know what I want to study. While journalism is something I am interested in, it’s not the only thing I am interested in. I care so deeply about helping others. That’s just a part of who I am. I could be a therapist in the future. I could be a lawyer. I am also a super curious person. I could wind up being an archaeologist for all I know.
So, writing a lot of these “tell us what you want to study or do” essays are hard to write because apparently colleges don’t love to see an “I don’t know” in the essay box, regardless if you tell them why you don’t know what you want to major in and eventually do in life.
It’s easier for a lot of people at my school to answer this question for some reason. Even for those who don’t put “Finance” and “I wanna work at a stock trading firm and then work at Goldman Sachs” (so many kids in my grade are so overly obsessed with money and gambling, it’s truly ridiculous).
But me?
Oh, whoa, I just don’t know
No no, no, no
– Nightingale, The Eagles
Outside of my college worries, I just finished up my last season running cross country. As much as I hate running sometimes, I really have loved running at the same park in the beautiful outdoors with my teammates over the past 4 years. And now that’s over. There is no “next meet.” My time running high school cross country started and ended in the blink of an eye. It’s over. I can’t go back.
I also feel disconnected from my classmates. I have a much easier time talking to my teachers at school than other students. I talk to one of my teachers about the Carolina Panthers all the time. I talk to another one of my teachers about 70s music frequently. But I struggle to talk to people my own age at my school. I haven’t given up trying, though.
I’ve never met Randy McCallum before in my life. I have no idea what he looks like. I have no idea where he lives or how he even found my writing in the first place earlier this year. I just know he is a guy who subscribes to my Substack.
So earlier this week, you could predict the look of surprise on my face when I saw Randy comment this on my most recent article (which I wrote on September 1):
Randy,
Thank you. Thank you for reaching out.
You made my day yesterday. I am so grateful that you thought of me and wanted to see how I was doing. Your willingness to empathise with someone who really needed to speak his mind is incredible. I have, of course, talked to my friends and family about how bumpy senior year has been, and they have sincerely been a huge help- but just hearing from a new and unexpected voice really made me feel better at a super overwhelming time. You motivated me to write this. Thank you.
I hope every one of you reading this is doing OK. If you ever need someone to listen and empathise with you, please reach out. I want to help you. I really do.
And a final clarification to all: This isn’t me falling apart. This isn’t a cry for help. It’s just me being frustrated, tired, and upfront about the realities of senior year.
Zach Kahn is a US teenager working to become a bona fide journalist from the United States. He is our US correspondent. His work is republished with permission.
You can follow Zach on substack here.
